I’d planned out my first three months of retirement with trips to San Diego, Mexico and Virginia, along with horseback riding, obsessive morning power walks (so no sleeping in for me), and Facetime calls with my writing coach. The next six months will be filled with travel starting in Italy, then France, Spain, Morocco and finally South America. Don’t let the grass grow under your feet just because you are retired I keep thinking!

Retirement didn’t mean I could easily walk away from keeping a hearty schedule. Obsessively scheduling my time didn’t streamline the adjustment to retirement, nor did it replace the part of my identity I left behind.

For forty years, I was a striver. I was driven by the dreaded imposter syndrome. Throughout my career, I worked more hours than anyone else to prove I could fix any mess. First one in the office and last one out. I could solve the most challenging problems by studying, researching, and learning everything possible so no one would find out I wasn’t good enough. 

When my CEO assigned me a tough entitlement project, I asked him, “Why me? I’ve never done that before.” He said, “You have the drive to do it—you don’t have any scar tissue yet.” 

My identity was created around these “scar tissue” projects. I was proud to be known as the woman who could pull a rabbit out of the hat, and to keep the cliché going, I was proud to be known as the energizer bunny.

My husband, Erik, encouraged me to imagine what I could accomplish in my second act (retirement) if I applied the same work ethic, drive, and passion to personal goals like writing, storytelling, and coaching. 

For most of my adult life, I’ve operated in two realms – career and the rest of life. Notice how career gets top billing, and the rest of life is lumped together?

When I finally picked a retirement date, I expected to feel relief. Instead, it started a series of panic attacks. No one knew the fear inside my head because I’ve always been able to hide my feelings behind the motto “It’s Show Time.” That means stuffing away feelings to make room for the important things.

The first panic attack hit suddenly on a Wednesday morning the week before we were set to fly to Spain to walk the Camino de Santiago. 

I was driving in the middle lane of the freeway during the morning rush hour. Halfway through the elevated flyover, my field of vision narrowed, my heart pounded, and I broke out in a sweat. I couldn’t breathe, and my hands and legs started shaking. It felt like I imagined a stroke would feel. I thought I have to get off of this flyover or I’m going to die, but no one would let me over, worsening the panic.

When I finally made my way to an exit, I parked in front of Planet Fitness in a part of Austin I didn’t know and sat for an hour before Erik came and rescued me.

Why do I share the story of my first panic attack to start this blog? 

Because I wish someone had told me that fear happens to the bravest when we face a life-changing decision. I hope by sharing the journey of my second act through “Uncharted Territory,” you may be inspired to step into the unknown today, tomorrow, or someday!

Cabo San Lucas – Blue Full Moon Super Moon – August 2023

A powerful time to set intentions, release negative energy and manifest abundance. In astrology, the August blue full moon super moon is said to bring about a heightened sense of awareness and intuition.